You’re Ruining My Effing Zen.

Ommmmmm -there is nothing as relaxing as watching your yoga instructor's bean bag bounce around as he guides you into downward dog.

No thanks, not for me.

Maybe I’ll revisit yoga soon, but as I continue my exercise and healthy living thing I’ll stick with kickboxing. Although soul cycle looks fun (I have taken a few spin classes before), can you say new type of birth control? Holy vag.

Kickboxing works for me. There’s nothing like starting or ending your day with kicking the shit out of a bag.

My body is like "Hey! You can keep eating whatever green and leafy thing you want, but I’m not changing unless you move and groove." So I’ve stuck with this “lifestyle” for about 6 months now and it’s been super rewarding.

I’m pretty coordinated, but sports were definitely not my thing. So being active from an early age wasn’t from rec sports, it was twirling and dancing. Yes, I was a twirler, jealous? #EYEDOLIZEME .

I went to a “real” gym recently (get this) on my VACATION, because I started that no days off bullshit, which really isn’t bullshit at all, but my humor, as you can tell, gets me through the whole sweating thing.

I mean, I’ve had the muscle sore pain ordeal after not being to kickboxing in a while and like every time I’d squat down to pee it would be me trying to shimmy my pants down in swift, fast movements and then bracing myself against my sink and wall to sit down on the bowl without passing out from the pain. (Too dramatic? Just wait.)

Well I experienced a real leg day. A REAL LEG DAY! Like on the machines. Not only could I not move to go to the bathroom, but I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t get dressed, shit, I may have died and was in too much pain to realize and now I’m typing this as my super cool ghost self.

Nonetheless, I went to the gym 6 out of 7 days I was on vacay and it was great.

Back home now I’m still kickboxing, I eat whatever I want (always did but I portion it out), adding more veggies and fruit, making sure everything is fresh and pretty.

My meals, on a good day, are classic, basic, and easy. The food shopping experience consists of me hauling ass in Stop and Shop because food shopping is the literal worst.

I sprint through produce, high tail it up the “healthy gluten free isle” back down to the deli, and back up through eggs and dairy. I’m in and out, not messing around.

I self scan, keep my sunglasses on, and bag myself because I’m a neurotic that has my entire bag packing plan thought out before I’m at check out.

After the arrival home from S&S I’ll try and carry all of my bags looped on my arms because taking two trips back and forth is not an option. *enter eye roll here*

I’ll start the meal prep upon unpacking, because if I don’t do it right then and there, I won’t do it at all.

Moral of the story. Eat whatever the fuck you want, just portion it out, drink water, and sweat every now and then.

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