What The Eff Am I Supposed To Buy You?

November 7, 2016

 

Don't you just love watching those cute news segments during the Gifting Season –

 

 “What to buy your____________.”

 

And like

 

You get excited because you think the next 10 minutes is going to change your life

 

So you run into the kitchen screaming, "PEN!" While you run to the junk drawer so you can write your findings on an irrelevant menu because you have to make it back to the couch and you stopped buying white lined since you graduated

 

But instead the show ends up leaving you sad/depressed because everything worth buying is in the $500 and up category and you’re poor so now you’re stuck re-evaluating your life choices

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear Not!

I'm here to help you with gifts that your gift needing people will actually want.

 

Now. 

Let's make this easy and split the prezzys into categories.

 

 

* side note* I was going to split this up like Mother Father Sister Brother Blah Blah Who gives a crap, but after realizing that your brother, father, and manfriend are all probably gunna want the same shit  it's easier to just group by age/sex.

 

 

 

 

 

Fetus/Baby/Toddler/anyone that doesn't wipe their own ass.

  • Brain Toys! Stimulate their baby  brains!  They have a lot of them at Barnes & Nobles believe it or not, Grab a book with it make it a set. SO CUTE.

  • Anything in Nordstrom their kids and baby dept. is the best for clothes. reasonable prices, good quality, they have organic cotton if you're into that.

  • Toys R US obviously. Can't go wrong with a Barbie or anything that has wheels. Legos. Dress Up. ARTS AND CRAFTS SHIT! PAINT! The kids will loveee you! Parents not so much. 

  • Walk into any Disney Store and go Crazy- Anything "Frozen" and kids seems to freak the fuck out.

 

 

Tweens/Teens
Gift cards. let them shop for themselves.  You're doing them a favor, trust me, they wanna go shopping with there little asshole friends. Go to Major Dept. stores.  Go wherever they like, put it in a card,and call it a day. Kids like Cash too! CASH IS KING! Not good enough? Go to Lush, buy the girl a bath bomb and the poor bastard some beard growth shampoo for his two pube facial situation. 

 

 

 

 

MEN

  • Tickets. I ALWAYS DO TICKETS. concert, sports, whatever - here are   2 tickets take whoever the fuck you want. you're welcome.

  • Cologne sets

  • Tech toys- fancy phone shit, beats head phones, go take a walk around the apple store. Good luck.

  • SHOES

  • Go clothes shopping really just do it. 

  • BF for your BF. Booze and Foodz

  • AW MY FAVORITE ! A BASKET OF HIS FAVORITE THINGS! 

 

 

Old

  • WINE.COUNTRY. BASKETS.

  • & a good weighted Papyrus card because your grandmother knows the difference between a $1 Hallmark save and the gold sticker seal!

 

People who you don't even want to buy a gift for but have to so you don't look like a douche/ add ons to any of the above gifts so you don't look stingy.

  1. candles

  2. wine

  3. cigars

  • no body wants socks 

  • nobody wants a bath and body shower gel set

  • if you bake and wanna make something be sure you put it in one of those festive tins- that way, if your cookies suck, they can dump them and save the Santa Clause face.

 

 

 

Women/Don't Care What You Want This List is For Me.

 

  • Accessories like nice jewlery- earrings, necklace, bracelet, scarves, bags, shoes,shades

  • Gift certificate to where she gets her nails done - sure why not - practical spa gift card

  • Holiday makeup gift sets - Bloomies/ Nordstrom/Neimans- only because they come with a cool cosmetic bags. DO IT FOR THE FREE BAG.

  • VS Jammies.

  • Feed me

  • GET ME A FUCKING DOG 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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